Ezra 8

1.  How have you found that your reason sometimes interferes with your faith?

SOMETIMES?  Try almost ALL the time.  Reason tells me there are too many exceptions.  My faith is not strong enough.  I want to have faith.  Something or someone is blocking it.  Is this spiritual warfare?  Why am I, recently, struggling so hard on this faith thing?  I have more questions than answers.  

2.  What makes it difficult for you to depend on God?

I can't depend on the "mysterious" ways.  It is too unpredictable.  I can't figure out what is God's work when He won't be plain about it.  If He truly does want all to come to salvation why does it have be so mysterious?  Why can't He reveal Himself more fully, more plainly?  If it HAS to be a mystery- why does it have to be a mystery?  The world is bigger than the Jews.  The world is bigger than America.  Why do I feel God has isolated Himself to only a few select people groups?  Depending on myself is a lot easier than depending on God.  There is the key word- EASIER.  I don't want this struggle.  It is a struggle that doesn't make sense.  It is a struggle that I feel will ultimately drive me insane. 

3.  How can prioritizing prayer in your life make a difference in preparing you for your faith journey?

Prayer has not been a priority for a long time now.  My prayer life is just screaming at God because so little makes sense.  His plan, His redemption, His "come near to me and I will come near to you"- feels like a bunch of BS most days.  I have tried so hard to "be near" and I can't hear Him and He isn't coming near- have I missed it?  Am I not saved?  I am getting more and more terrified that I am going to hell.  I wish prayer made sense.  He doesn't talk back and if He does or you think He does you become scared that it isn't really Him- it must be yourself or even the Devil.  And if He isn't suppose to talk to you audibly and only through His word there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of relevance or again too many exceptions to the "rules".  Today, honestly, tired of trying to figure out this Christianity thing.