"Who?" Job 36:21-33
1. What circumstances can only God change? Do you trust him to do that?
Only God can change the hearts and beliefs of people. I am learning to trust Him to do that. I feel I take rejection personally when I think about witnessing to others.
2. Do you have trouble believing that nothing is too difficult for God? Why or why not?
I guess I don't have trouble believing God can do big things like change the weather, open a sea, send an earthquake or storm, feed a multitude, or heal, but I do have difficulty believing in the little things. Can God stop me from crying about all those who will not believe and all those who are suffering? I guess I feel muddled. In the end it seems so inconsistent from my perspective. God, why does so much make no sense?
3. Take some time to reflect on God's names mentioned in today's devotional. Which of his names are the most meaningful to you in your present circumstances?
Elohim- the Creator, who made you for a purpose
El Elyon- God Most High, whose ways are higher than your ways
El Roi- the God who sees and knows where you are and how you feel
El Shaddai- The Lord God Almighty, the one who can change you or walk with you through your circumstances as surely as he can send rain from heaven
The most meaningful to me in my present circumstance is El Roi- the God who see and knows where you are and how you feel. I know this comes from the story of Hagar. Because I have so few friends I long to look to God as the one who sees me even through the millions and billions of people.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Job 29-31
So far so good, I am faithfully on track with my Chronological Bible Reading.
"Hanging on to Hope" Job 31:1-40
1. What have been the darkest days of your life?
Thankfully I haven't had many truly dark days. I have had times when it felt very dark but looking back it seems nothing compared to what others have gone through: rape, cancer, abuse, war, divorce, etc. There are about 3 times in my life that I would call dark. The first one would be the after my sophomore year in college from summer on through most of junior year. I was so lost. I was job searching. I was so hunger- like actually physically hungry because I had no money for food. The major I had intended upon fell through because I couldn't pass my writing and speech classes with the required grades. I could not afford the cost for additional classes or teaching tests. I had a falling out with a close friend and another close friend who moved away. I was in counseling because a guy was taking advantage of me in a really twisted way that I can't even begin to explain here. Any way, that time was so messed up. There wasn't one particular thing that got me "out". In fact, a lot of me still feels stuck from that time when I feel like a failure. I find I have to be completely honest with myself, "I obviously wasn't suppose to do this. I still don't know what I am suppose to do, but that doesn't matter as long as I DO something even if it feels mundane, menial, and mentally discouraging." I am crying just thinking about this time.
The second time in my life that I would call dark was shortly after marriage when everything was new and confusing and I was pregnant. I am the worst at planning. I cried a lot. I look back on this time as true growth. I also blame the hormones and my poor health. I had to get through this rough time to get to where I am now. Dark as that time was it was the most beneficial and eye opening.
The third time in my life that was really dark was right after giving birth to my third child when loan collection calls started coming. I was scared. I ate very little. My new baby suffered because of it and she had a horrible case of reflex to begin with. Now that time I had so many people surround me with prayer and tangible advice and actual honest to goodness help. Thank God, that time is long over and I learned a lot and could do nothing else but cling to Him. I couldn't magically come up with the money but He could if He wanted to. He provided the right thing at the right time to keep me humble.
2. In what ways, did God shine hope through your darkness?
I think I basically already answered this. I had to get out of my comfort zone and act. I had to learn a lot about rejection. For me, there wasn't a ONE thing that got me out. I didn't pray a magical prayer. I didn't always have a friend who could encourage me. The church didn't rally around me (except maybe a little bit for the last one). I just carried on. God is God and I am not.
3. Do you know someone who is echoing Job's plea to be heard? Try offering the warmth of comfort and a listening ear.
Boy, do I wish I could help. I am the opposite of encouraging. I can barely help myself. I don't have any friends right now- aside from FB friends who are more like computer acquaintances. Sometimes I feel like I am still in dark days because I don't have any friends but sometimes I think it might be my own fault because I don't invest the time and energy for them. Well that got depressing really fast- I don't need you to think I am all like woe is me- I am fine. I will continue praying about this and hoping all these dark days are teaching me so I might be able to teach my children or others. I will "hang on to hope". I don't know any other way.
"Hanging on to Hope" Job 31:1-40
1. What have been the darkest days of your life?
Thankfully I haven't had many truly dark days. I have had times when it felt very dark but looking back it seems nothing compared to what others have gone through: rape, cancer, abuse, war, divorce, etc. There are about 3 times in my life that I would call dark. The first one would be the after my sophomore year in college from summer on through most of junior year. I was so lost. I was job searching. I was so hunger- like actually physically hungry because I had no money for food. The major I had intended upon fell through because I couldn't pass my writing and speech classes with the required grades. I could not afford the cost for additional classes or teaching tests. I had a falling out with a close friend and another close friend who moved away. I was in counseling because a guy was taking advantage of me in a really twisted way that I can't even begin to explain here. Any way, that time was so messed up. There wasn't one particular thing that got me "out". In fact, a lot of me still feels stuck from that time when I feel like a failure. I find I have to be completely honest with myself, "I obviously wasn't suppose to do this. I still don't know what I am suppose to do, but that doesn't matter as long as I DO something even if it feels mundane, menial, and mentally discouraging." I am crying just thinking about this time.
The second time in my life that I would call dark was shortly after marriage when everything was new and confusing and I was pregnant. I am the worst at planning. I cried a lot. I look back on this time as true growth. I also blame the hormones and my poor health. I had to get through this rough time to get to where I am now. Dark as that time was it was the most beneficial and eye opening.
The third time in my life that was really dark was right after giving birth to my third child when loan collection calls started coming. I was scared. I ate very little. My new baby suffered because of it and she had a horrible case of reflex to begin with. Now that time I had so many people surround me with prayer and tangible advice and actual honest to goodness help. Thank God, that time is long over and I learned a lot and could do nothing else but cling to Him. I couldn't magically come up with the money but He could if He wanted to. He provided the right thing at the right time to keep me humble.
2. In what ways, did God shine hope through your darkness?
I think I basically already answered this. I had to get out of my comfort zone and act. I had to learn a lot about rejection. For me, there wasn't a ONE thing that got me out. I didn't pray a magical prayer. I didn't always have a friend who could encourage me. The church didn't rally around me (except maybe a little bit for the last one). I just carried on. God is God and I am not.
3. Do you know someone who is echoing Job's plea to be heard? Try offering the warmth of comfort and a listening ear.
Boy, do I wish I could help. I am the opposite of encouraging. I can barely help myself. I don't have any friends right now- aside from FB friends who are more like computer acquaintances. Sometimes I feel like I am still in dark days because I don't have any friends but sometimes I think it might be my own fault because I don't invest the time and energy for them. Well that got depressing really fast- I don't need you to think I am all like woe is me- I am fine. I will continue praying about this and hoping all these dark days are teaching me so I might be able to teach my children or others. I will "hang on to hope". I don't know any other way.
Saturday, January 7, 2017
Job 10-16
"The Patience of Job" Job 13:1-28
1. Have you ever wondered if suffering is the result of sinfulness?
I have wondered about it a little, but it is pretty obvious that when you observe the world that this can't be entirely true. Suffering affects EVERYONE. If it really was based on sinfulness there would be a whole lot more suffering- in my opinion.
2. Has this devotional caused you to rethink your position? Why or why not?
Nope, the devotion is pretty spot on. "The simple truth is that God is no constrained to tell us why bad things happen to us. But he will let us know how to walk through them....with patience and hope."
3. Make Job's proclamation personal to your situation: "Though He_______ ; yet will I hope in Him."
"Though He answers so few questions and I feel so alone and so many children are suffering; yet will I hope in Him."
Thursday, January 5, 2017
Job 6-9
1. Describe a time when you wanted to question God. What did you want to dispute or ask?
When has there been I time I DIDN'T want to question God is more like it! My questions range between the silly (especially when I am reading Genesis) like: If Adam and Eve were made perfect what were the sizes of there genitals (what is considered the perfect erect penis length or size breasts?) and did they poop? to the serious Why does God allow children to be raped/murdered/abused? I come so far in my questions that I beginning having serious MAJOR doubts. I even frequent a website written by an atheist from time to time when I JUST DON'T GET IT!!! I often find my way groping and stumbling through the fog of doubt and just lay it all at the cross, praying and hoping that one day this will all make sense. My faith often feels shaky at best and seems to get worse and not better as I have gotten older. Also another reason I started this blog because if the Bible is true and I believe it what is stopping me from proclaiming it. Why am I so fearful? All I know is that this is not a question that I can answer in a day- or at least not TODAY.
2. Do you feel closer to God or farther away from him when you question the unfairness of life?
I feel farther away from Him when I question the unfairness of life. And because I bet you are curious this is the website I visit once in awhile because this person opens up whole lot of questions that I often think about but not many Christians seem willing to discuss: 500 Questions
I will not hide my doubts from my readers. I have asked Jesus into my life. I believe Him to be God. This can't just be an "accident"- there is reason and purpose- however small- out there- somewhere. I have to believe for my sanity. God knows my heart.
3. Have you asked Jesus to be your arbitrator so that you can enter eternity? If you have not, will you do so now, so you can rest assured of an eternal life in Christ?
Yes, I have asked Jesus to be my arbitrator so that I can enter eternity. Again- God knows my heart.
When has there been I time I DIDN'T want to question God is more like it! My questions range between the silly (especially when I am reading Genesis) like: If Adam and Eve were made perfect what were the sizes of there genitals (what is considered the perfect erect penis length or size breasts?) and did they poop? to the serious Why does God allow children to be raped/murdered/abused? I come so far in my questions that I beginning having serious MAJOR doubts. I even frequent a website written by an atheist from time to time when I JUST DON'T GET IT!!! I often find my way groping and stumbling through the fog of doubt and just lay it all at the cross, praying and hoping that one day this will all make sense. My faith often feels shaky at best and seems to get worse and not better as I have gotten older. Also another reason I started this blog because if the Bible is true and I believe it what is stopping me from proclaiming it. Why am I so fearful? All I know is that this is not a question that I can answer in a day- or at least not TODAY.
2. Do you feel closer to God or farther away from him when you question the unfairness of life?
I feel farther away from Him when I question the unfairness of life. And because I bet you are curious this is the website I visit once in awhile because this person opens up whole lot of questions that I often think about but not many Christians seem willing to discuss: 500 Questions
I will not hide my doubts from my readers. I have asked Jesus into my life. I believe Him to be God. This can't just be an "accident"- there is reason and purpose- however small- out there- somewhere. I have to believe for my sanity. God knows my heart.
3. Have you asked Jesus to be your arbitrator so that you can enter eternity? If you have not, will you do so now, so you can rest assured of an eternal life in Christ?
Yes, I have asked Jesus to be my arbitrator so that I can enter eternity. Again- God knows my heart.
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
Job 1-5
This is the Bible I am using this year. I am not going to get as in depth as I want to because I am reading a quick Chronological Order this year. I will post (when I can) the answers to the devotions in my Bible.
"To Know God Is to Trust God" Job 2:9-13
1. How have you responded to bad news in the past? With praise? Anger? Despair? Confusion?
I, typically, respond to bad news in complete confusion. In my mind to stay sane balance is a must- so if I am doing all the right things then I should have a normal good life. I know that isn't necessarily practical or true, always, but that is how I live right at this moment. So when something goes wrong I tend to be confused and look for a way to fix it or get away from it if it can not be fixed.
2. Job knew God well enough to turn to him in grief. How deep does your knowledge of God go? How close is your heart attuned to his?
Actually after listening to a VERY brief explanation of Job I am not entirely certain Job was turning to God or not. He doesn't actually address or speak TO God but rather ABOUT God. But maybe I being picky....Job has got to be next second hardest book in the Bible for me to wrap my mind around. I know I will never know much about God while in this life, but I will not stop trying. I pray that my heart is attuned to His. This is the very reason I am feeling compelled to read the whole Bible again.
3. How might going through tough times or experiencing pain and grief help someone know God?
Because from our perspective it seems like God is being arbitrary about who will experience grief and pain we feel forced to DO something- even if that something might be nothing. We might turn to our own strength and knowledge. We might turn to a trusted friend. But when we surrender and turn it to God that is when we grow the most fruitful. Tough times keep us humble.
"Silence Is Golden" Job 2:9-13
1. Has there ever been a time when you were grieving or struggling and someone's advice or comments were like pouring salt on a wound? How did it affect you?
I can't recall a time in my life when I was grieving or struggling and someone's advice or comments were like pouring salt on a wound. I usually assume people want to say SOMETHING comforting even though it may not feel comforting at the time because I am so consumed in my own grief. As of right now I have been so blessed that thankfully grief and suffering haven't been a big thing in my life. Sometimes when I get advice I just furrow my brow and go- "Well maybe that worked for you, but I doubt that will work for me."
2. What was the most helpful thing that anyone has ever done for you during a time of loss or great struggle?
One time when I had a new baby, a toddler, and a preschooler and the baby (Lucy) would spit up- A LOT!!! It was so bad she was losing a weight and everything smelled bad and there were multiple showers and clothes changes a day. A woman I didn't know super well came to my house and washed and folded 3 or 4 loads of laundry for me! That was the most helpful thing for a young mom- EVER!
3. How can you show support to someone you know who is struggling?
UGH!!! I ask myself this all the time. I am so shy. I SUCK at regular social events- forget trying to show support to someone I know who is struggling. I wrestle with the fact that people are not like me- not everyone is great at dealing with grief alone (which how I consider myself)- I don't know- everything seems so trite and meaningless. My heart feels like it is being squeezed when I try to think of an answer for this because I am HORRIBLE at empathy and sympathy. WHY? Why can't I be better? Doesn't God want me to be better at this? Right at this exact moment I am googling "how can I feel empathy for others". I won't have time to tell you my findings but I have 5 min.to just try. Dear God, help me.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
2017 New Year...New Bible Reading Plan
I wasn't planning on doing this exactly, but I realized I have only read the whole Bible once. It is time to read the whole thing again even if I have to do it really fast. I am doing it Chronologically. I am already behind. But you can follow along...today I am going to listen to Genesis 1-11. You can look it up on Youtube to find a good audio version. I encourage you to try even if you get behind. It IS hard...keep it up.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Genesis 35
Here we have Jacob's family recap. We find him returning to God. He, in a sense, had been withdrawing from God and God called him back to His house-Bethel- means House of God. As Christmas time is approaching I am suddenly struck with the thoughts of home and what a good papa does. He Calls You Home! Come back to the place where we spent time together. Come back to base. Come back to where it all started for you and me.
We could make a lot of excuses. I know I do. I never have enough money. I haven't been "home" in more than 9 years. The situations are never ideal. Our car is not travel ready. I think about this and I think about all the excuses we give to God. We aren't good enough. We aren't ready. We have to clean up all our bad habits or at least learn to hide them better. I SAY- NO!!! Guess what? Jacob had messed up- big time. He wasn't in a great spiritual place when God (our papa) said- Come home. His daughter had just been raped, his older sons were murderers, and he had allowed idols into his home. HE WAS REALLY MESSED UP. I AM REALLY MESSED UP. But who calls us home? God, Papa, ABBA....Home...our most true home.
It will require sacrifices. In this chapter of Genesis we see Jacob building an altar and pouring out a drink offering. He buried all the idols. But he talked to God. He was grateful. He didn't blame God. And God said,
11 And God said to him, “I am God Almighty[f]; be fruitful and increase in number. A nation and a community of nations will come from you, and kings will be among your descendants. 12 The land I gave to Abraham and Isaac I also give to you, and I will give this land to your descendants after you.”
God blessed him and changed his name. God knows our hearts. Let's all go back home.
We could make a lot of excuses. I know I do. I never have enough money. I haven't been "home" in more than 9 years. The situations are never ideal. Our car is not travel ready. I think about this and I think about all the excuses we give to God. We aren't good enough. We aren't ready. We have to clean up all our bad habits or at least learn to hide them better. I SAY- NO!!! Guess what? Jacob had messed up- big time. He wasn't in a great spiritual place when God (our papa) said- Come home. His daughter had just been raped, his older sons were murderers, and he had allowed idols into his home. HE WAS REALLY MESSED UP. I AM REALLY MESSED UP. But who calls us home? God, Papa, ABBA....Home...our most true home.
It will require sacrifices. In this chapter of Genesis we see Jacob building an altar and pouring out a drink offering. He buried all the idols. But he talked to God. He was grateful. He didn't blame God. And God said,
11 And God said to him, “I am God Almighty[f]; be fruitful and increase in number. A nation and a community of nations will come from you, and kings will be among your descendants. 12 The land I gave to Abraham and Isaac I also give to you, and I will give this land to your descendants after you.”
God blessed him and changed his name. God knows our hearts. Let's all go back home.
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