Job 29-31

So far so good, I am faithfully on track with my Chronological Bible Reading.

"Hanging on to Hope"  Job 31:1-40

1.  What have been the darkest days of your life?

Thankfully I haven't had many truly dark days.  I have had times when it felt very dark but looking back it seems nothing compared to what others have gone through:  rape, cancer, abuse, war, divorce, etc.  There are about 3 times in my life that I would call dark.  The first one would be the after my sophomore year in college from summer on through most of junior year.  I was so lost.  I was job searching.  I was so hunger- like actually physically hungry because I had no money for food.  The major I had intended upon fell through because I couldn't pass my writing and speech classes with the required grades.  I could not afford the cost for additional classes or teaching tests.  I had a falling out with a close friend and another close friend who moved away.  I was in counseling because a guy was taking advantage of me in a really twisted way that I can't even begin to explain here.   Any way, that time was so messed up.  There wasn't one particular thing that got me "out".  In fact, a lot of me still feels stuck from that time when I feel like a failure.  I find I have to be completely honest with myself, "I obviously wasn't suppose to do this.  I still don't know what I am suppose to do, but that doesn't matter as long as I DO something even if it feels mundane, menial, and mentally discouraging."  I am crying just thinking about this time.

The second time in my life that I would call dark was shortly after marriage when everything was new and confusing and I was pregnant.  I am the worst at planning.  I cried a lot.  I look back on this time as true growth.  I also blame the hormones and my poor health.  I had to get through this rough time to get to where I am now.  Dark as that time was it was the most beneficial and eye opening.

The third time in my life that was really dark was right after giving birth to my third child when loan collection calls started coming.  I was scared.  I ate very little.  My new baby suffered because of it and she had a horrible case of reflex to begin with.  Now that time I had so many people surround me with prayer and tangible advice and actual honest to goodness help.  Thank God, that time is long over and I learned a lot and could do nothing else but cling to Him.  I couldn't magically come up with the money but He could if He wanted to.  He provided the right thing at the right time to keep me humble.

2.  In what ways, did God shine hope through your darkness?

I think I basically already answered this.  I had to get out of my comfort zone and act.  I had to learn a lot about rejection.  For me, there wasn't a ONE thing that got me out.  I didn't pray a magical prayer.  I didn't always have a friend who could encourage me.  The church didn't rally around me (except maybe a little bit for the last one).  I just carried on.  God is God and I am not.

3.  Do you know someone who is echoing Job's plea to be heard?  Try offering the warmth of comfort and a listening ear.

Boy, do I wish I could help.  I am the opposite of encouraging.  I can barely help myself.  I don't have any friends right now- aside from FB friends  who are more like computer acquaintances.  Sometimes I feel like I am still in dark days because I don't have any friends but sometimes I think it might be my own fault because I don't invest the time and energy for them.  Well that got depressing really fast- I don't need you to think I am all like woe is me- I am fine.  I will continue praying about this and hoping all these dark days are teaching me so I might be able to teach my children or others.  I will "hang on to hope".  I don't know any other way.