Genesis 27-29

"Meddling"  Genesis 27:1-40

1.  When have you meddled your way through a problem instead of waiting on God to solve it?  What were the results?

I don't meddle.  I have little to no interest in other people's decisions unless they directly hurt or harm me or hurt or harm someone I love.  I have gossiped sometimes and that is one sin that has resulted in general dislike and no friends- at least that seems to be the logical conclusion.  I am annoyed that people who are "worse" then me have friends, but I take my advice from Pete the Cat "Just keep walking along singing your song, cause it is all good."  I don't try to hurt people, I try to understand people and that is where I fail because you basically can't.  

2.  When have you seen God solve a problem in a way that surprised you?

So far no super surprises from God just normal and amazing generosity- I have had people give us money, we have had programs give us money for Christmas presents when we thought we would have nothing for the kids, and a loan was accepted at a critical time for me.  I guess the biggest surprise was the van.  We had been praying for that provision and someone gave us the van when we needed it most.  I was super grateful but not super surprised because I had been praying for awhile and knew God would provide.

3.  What are you waiting on God for now?  What will you meditate on rather than meddle in?

I am waiting for God to tell me exactly what to do about life/job/career.  I don't want to do anything...well that isn't exactly true....what I want to do is stay home, be a good wife and mother, bake cookies, read stories to the kids, teach them, and "homemake" away, but alas there is a big change coming in September and I have no idea what to do, where to go, who will advice or counsel me, and how this will happen.  There will be so much meditating that I will become lazy and do nothing....that is the fear.  I bet people would wish I would "meddle", take control of my life, speak up, I don't know- I have so little confidence and so little life experience that my opinions are moot.  All I can hear is, "Good luck with that."

"When Morning Comes"  Genesis 29:16-30

1.  Take a look in the mirror and describe the things you like about yourself.

I like being short.  I like being a woman.  I like my hair.  I like my mind.  I like my health.  I like my sense of humor.  I like how much I care about books and how quirky I am.

2.  What don't you like about yourself?  Describe some of the things you'd change if you could.

I don't like how I am "overweight" and my boobs are so big.  I wish a certain person and the "fashion" industry wouldn't make me feel so bad for hair that grows in places it "apparently" shouldn't- like my arm pits, bikini area, legs, and face.  

3.  What parts of yourself have you been afraid to show your loved ones (spiritually, emotionally or physically), and why?  Take a chance and expose one part you've hidden behind the mask.  Ask God to give you the strength to take this step.  And ask God to surprise you with how much your loved ones accept the real you.

This is entering dangerous territory.  What if the real me doesn't care that I am overweight and can't understand it?  I may overeat from time to time (rare) but I can't exactly find the time to exercise and even when I have exercised have seen zero results.  What if the real me decides to stop shaving?  What if the real me can't stand any form of birth control?  Nope, these are things that have not and will not be accepted, and these are just the simple masks.  I can't imagine what people would think when they find out how messed up my past was and how I have tried to open up and have been met with, "Okay, well you better sweep that under the rug and hope no one notices the big bump."

Dear God, I don' t know exactly what you want me to do.  If I open myself up it is just asking for a lot of pain and tears.  I feel as if all I can do is wait.  Maybe you can change someone and maybe you don't want to change someone just to teach me something.  God, go ahead, surprise me.  Show me someone who I can open up to.  I have asked this a number of times and things have pretty much stayed the same so I don't expect much of a miracle, but maybe this time will be different?  I can really identify with Leah.  I hope I am doing what you want me to do and I am learning what you want me to learn.  Amen.